I've always considered myself intelligent, but I've also had a habit of comparing myself to people who are already really good at whatever I'm thinking about doing. At 25, I could look at someone who started at 18 and think I was already behind. At 30, now I was behind them and everyone who started at 25. Keep doing that long enough and starting something new can begin to feel a little ridiculous.
I did the same thing with learning. If I thought about building software, I wouldn't think about the first thing I needed to learn. I'd start thinking about everything I didn't know. Python, web development, Git, APIs, databases, hosting, deployment. One question would turn into ten more, and suddenly something I hadn't even started felt enormous. I was mentally paying the entire cost of the journey before I was willing to take the first step.
I've been interested in AI for years, but recently something about the way I'm able to learn has changed. I grew up with the internet, so having an incredible amount of information available isn't new. The hard part has always been turning that information into something I actually understand and can use. With AI, I can ask a question, misunderstand the answer, ask it differently, go deeper, back up, or ask the dumb question I might hesitate to ask another person. The internet gave me access to information. AI gave me a way to interact with it.
Eventually I decided to start an LLM engineering course. I didn't really know where it would lead, and I'm still working through it. What I didn't expect was how quickly the learning would start spilling outside of the course itself. A lesson would lead to a question, which might lead to an experiment, which sometimes became an idea I wanted to keep exploring. One of those ideas became Relative Tech Support, my first little application built around an idea of my own. From there came other projects, this website, and a growing list of things I'd like to try.
That's probably been the biggest surprise. Success hasn't been racing through the course or suddenly knowing how to build everything. It's that the journey has started getting bigger around it. I'm learning things because I need them for something I want to make. I'm building things that didn't exist before, even if they're small. I'm planning things, discussing things, and dreaming a little bit. Some ideas that used to exist only in my head are starting to feel tangible.
I have no idea where any of this ultimately goes. Maybe these projects remain side projects. Maybe AI becomes a bigger part of my career. Maybe something I build turns into a business someday. Maybe I keep doing the work I already enjoy and spend the next 25 years building interesting things on the side. For a long time, I think I would have wanted answers to those questions before deciding whether the journey was worth beginning. Now I'm starting to think the first step doesn't need to know where the last one lands.
Taking that first step didn't answer all my questions, and it certainly didn't guarantee that any of this will work out. It just gave me the chance to find out what happens next. For now, that's enough.
I'm not worried about the future. I'm looking forward to it.